I woke up today with absolutely no motivation … to do anything. So, an idea came to me … why don’t I set myself the challenge to see how much I can achieve in one month!
But first I had to muster the motivation to take Maria for her morning walk in the sunshine.
I congratulated myself, as I attached Maria’s lead to her collar and stepped out my front door. As Maria ran on the grass, chasing birds in the sky, I thought about the deep-fried pizza I ate last night and how my eating wasn’t helping matters. I normally wouldn’t make such big changes all at once but I’m kinda desperate to improve my mental health, so I made the decision. To eat healthy. Thoughts of salads and rice ensued, and the banishment of gluten which sends me into a depressive state … something a GP in the past, told me doesn’t exist. When I got home, I thought of my new healthy eating plan, which I was starting right now, as I heated up last nights left over pizza in the microwave. I tried to take a bite, but it was like steel, so it got binned. I ate a packet of crisps instead, telling myself I was eating potatoes. I then climbed back into bed. The time is 10 am.
“Stay on task with micro-deadlines’ is advice given, with regards to boosting productivity. How micro do I have to make my tasks to succeed?
From my bed, I did a lesson in Latin American Spanish. I’d been learning this in my tent, whilst cycling Chile, Argentina and Bolivia and had been amazed after 6 months, that I could have ‘toddler level’ conversations … which was astounding for me. But then I entered Brazil and was shocked I didn’t understand anything. Then I found out Brazil speaks Portuguese.
To be honest the only reason I hadn’t continued north through Bolivia into Peru was because there was no way I wanted to cycle over the Andes again. The memory of being on my hands and knees and not being able to breathe, the world spinning around me, thinking there was a chance I would die, was still fresh in my mind. So, I changed my South American route and cycled across Bolivia into Brazil, simply to avoid cycling over the mountains again.
From my bed, which is where I do more work than in my office … I confirmed two bookings for public speaking and completed the BBC interview, so I was free to begin my 120-mile hike. Then it started to snow. And I thought sod that I’ll wait until the weather gets better.
It was 5 pm when I finally submitted to my healthy eating plan and I made a pot of carrot and coriander soup. Just like putting Maria’s lead on and stepping out my front door, here I was feeling proud of myself.
I’ve achieved so many amazing things in my life, which took a lot of effort and action. Why is it that there are so many days I struggle to get out of bed? Why am I setting micro tasks for things that most people don’t even think about – they just do on a daily basis.
OMG night time and anxiety hit … feel like I’ve done something wrong. Really feel like I’ve done something wrong. I quickly check reality – nope I’ve not. But I feel it. The same anxiety I felt at home. Well, this is, my home now. But my home when I was a child. Maybe it’s having a home that’s making me anxious? It’s just really strange. Sure, as a child I was super anxious. But as an adult I haven’t struggled so much with that. Sometimes, nowadays though, since I moved into my home, I feel the same anxiety as I did, as a child.
Jesus, I should have just eaten a deep-fried pizza rather than a healthy dinner!