Today wasn’t such a good day for my mind.  It was foggy and I was unable to think.  I didn’t want to go outside.  I couldn’t remember if I had taken my medication or not, perhaps that was the problem, so I took a pill just in-case.  I was supposed to be meeting my friend, but I cancelled as I couldn’t face being around other people. 

I was lying on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket, and reading a book with Maria cuddled in beside me, when a man began shouting and swearing in the close, for the neighbour downstairs to let him in.  When he was let in, there was angry shouting and swearing from both parties.  Immediately my heart rate soared, my muscles tensed, and I stood up, ready to fight.  This may sound an extreme reaction, considering I was safe in my flat, but years ago, before I was a fully-grown adult, I had been in situations where I had to fight my way out of.  I was noticing a pattern in my anxiety.  I listened as the man got thrown out of the flat and he continued swearing out onto the street and I was left with an uneasy feeling.

I wasn’t up to meeting my friend, but I decided to turn my afternoon into a positive experience and have a spa day.  I enjoyed a big bubble bath with essential oils, used a Himalayan salt scrub and then listened to music whilst I did my nails.

This positive action put me in the space to be able to take Maria out for a long walk along the canal.  I was quite proud of myself.  

Maria hates water and hates mud.  But she has a thing, about chasing birds … when they are flying in the air … there are no limits to what this girl thinks she can achieve lol.  She was so absorbed in chasing this bird high in the sky that she ran through all the muck of the canal side, which had been drained for repairs. She was covered in thick yukky mud, with a look that said she had no idea how it had happened.  Other dog walkers passing by, were laughing and making comments at how muddy Maria was.  Walking back, I envisioned lots of different scenarios of how to get her clean.  In the end I went for the bucket of water and cloth, out the back of the flats, but that failed as the mud was just too thick.  So, I ran a small bath and carried her in, speaking softly and getting mud all over me.  Maria was not amused, though she accepted her fate with no resistance.  It took her many hours after before she raised her legs in the air to have her belly rubbed! Lol

Before I went to bed, I reported my neighbour to Falkirk council via their website.  I didn’t like doing it because I genuinely like my neighbour and have so much respect for him.  But I can’t go on like this.

Ishbel xxx