I’ve been a blogger for many years now and I know from experience that blogging creates community. This blog is my own story, but already, so many people around the world are connecting with me, sharing their stories and reinforcing that one’s personal journey is echoed by many.

This blog is dedicated to all those who have tried to get help, but never got it and died from suicide. It’s dedicated to all those, right now, who are at high risk, clinging onto life, crying out for help, yet still, they wait. This blog is dedicated to all those who have lost loved ones, and those who are supporting loved ones through the darkest corners of existence.

How is it possible, that someone like me, so strong-willed and resilient, who has powered through life’s greatest challenges, has reached the point of being at high risk of suicide? How it is possible, that a person with such a strong voice, an absolute survivor, a moving mountains kinda gal, reached the point of crisis?

How come it got so bad for me? And what am I learning to get better?

I have never known a negative to exist, without a positive … all you have to do is look. I share my story with the intention of turning negative experiences into positive contributions to the world around me.

And the world gets pretty big when you’re a blogger 🙂

I love the NHS, not just from the reality of having it, but from the reality of not having it, which I witnessed, whilst travelling the world. I will always be a supporter of the NHS and a campaigner, to protect it from privatisation, should that time come. (Unless of course I’m in a psychiatric ward lol)

I want to say thank you to all the mental health care professionals, who dedicate their careers to working on the front line and helping people like me. I salute you. Gratitude to those driving change, towards achieving a new vision of support and treatment, for those of us experiencing mental health difficulties.

I have written over 60,000 words of my mental health journey, so far, and it’s important to recognise that mental health services are on (what seems to be) the beginnings of a journey of progression, just as I am, with neither of us close to the destination we need to reach, for safety and well being.

I began screaming out for help in Jan 2019. It is now June and I still don’t have the help in place that I need, even though I reached crisis in May, spent time in a psychiatric ward and am classed as high risk of suicide. But there is good news, these past few days, I feel I am out of crisis, but am still very wobbly. I have a meeting tomorrow re my treatment plan, but at this stage of the journey, I know it’s best not to have hope. Trying to access mental health services took all my hope away.

Respecting and protecting confidentiality for health care professionals, patients and those who share their stories with me, is of the utmost of importance, and I will never disclose any information that may jeopardise this. This includes protecting people’s identities.

It is vital, as a blogger, that my writing ensures a safe environment around me for anyone I come into contact with, when accessing health care services and therapeutic environments.

Please note: I am still unable to access Facebook, as I can’t remember password and my identity can’t be verified. I can’t worry about things like that just now, but know that I miss my wonderful online community there. I am still active on Twitter (World Bike Girl) and you can subscribe to this blog, to receive posts into your email inbox.

Love and peace.

Ishbel xxx

For an update on my dog, Maria, please click here.

Me & Maria in Dec … before I got bad.